I have some news…

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Fertility/Pregnancy/Miscarriage

I’m pregnant ❤️ although my first thought was … SHIT! I’m Pregnant!!

Stu and I found out together and I’d say we’re both still experiencing some shock but we’re both really excited.

I was unsure of whether I wanted to write this post but as this news has unleashed a world of anxiety, depression, paranoia, fear, love, happiness, excitement and probably everything in between I really felt I needed to. If anything is effecting my Mental-Health then I want to talk about in. As always, in the hope it may help someone else.

I guess with so many situations in life, people have this pre-conceived idea of how things should be. Ever since I’ve got married I get asked at least once a week “when are you having a baby?” People often tell Stu and I that we’ve done things the “right way”. Which I think is ridiculous – let’s catch up with the times shall we?

The reason I wanted to highlight this is because it’s a pressure. It’s pressure to behave in a certain way and pressure to feel a certain way. Which in turn can cause inner conflict. I’m expected to be over the moon but sometimes the anxiety cripples me and I have this alongside some of the most intense physical symptoms I’ve experienced in my life. This is no game.

Also, the obvious concern about sharing this news – what if something goes “wrong”? well firstly, if I miscarry or something doesn’t go to plan I will be devastated. I also would have talked about it whether I had announced I was pregnant or not because I’m passionate about having the uncomfortable conversations.

Maybe it’s the shock, this wasn’t planned and as someone who needs planning to feel secure this has really challenged me. I’m so out of control of knowing exactly what is going on within me that it scares me and at the same time the overwhelming love I have is tangible. It’s a lot!

It’s so much to process and I know this mostly sounds negative but we are happy and pleasantly surprised. I am grateful that we are pregnant, please don’t think I’m not, I know a lot of people struggle with fertility/miscarriage issues and we are fortunate to catch on an absolute one off but please don’t try and take away from the fact I’m a person. I’m allowed to feel what I need to feel and I’ll continue to do so in the most sensitive way I can.

Please pleaseeee share any challenges to your mental health that you had when you or your partner fell pregnant. I’d love to hear that I’m not the only one slowly losing it with fear and love.